On the morning of April 7th, in the year of 2008 Anno Domini, an event of world-shaking historical importance occurred: the Smerk arrived in Maryland! Huzzah!
Of course, the climate chose that day and the next few days to revert from near-Summer weather to near-Winter weather. Good fun for Smerk, after coming from the warm and sunny days of early Autumn in Australia. Yet she was brave and defiant, and persevered.
Also of course, most of her luggage decided to take an airplane to San Francisco instead of to Maryland, which resulted in added fun. Especially as all the clothing she had with her was not exactly of the cold-weather variety. So after leaving the airport, she got her first introduction to that most amazing and astounding of American institutions: Wal-Mart! After both of us puzzling over the vagaries of American women’s clothing sizing, we were able to get her moderately well equipped for the couple of days it would take for her luggage to reunite with her.
And so, in not-quite comfort and a good bit of confusion, I managed to lure her into my-. . .that is, we finally arrived in the safety and security of my abode.
Smerky arrival
We didn’t really do much the first couple of days, seeing as how she was lacking the clothing to really be comfortable wandering around out and about. Plus we had to sit around waiting for FedEx to show up with her wayward suitcase. So we had several quiet days at home which she used to help get herself adjusted to Maryland time.
Eventually her luggage successfully sought her out, and the weather cleared up and warmed up and became somewhat more tolerable to her strange foreign likings. And so we decided to venture forth into the world and explore the manifold wonders of the City Park and City Zoo.
Here we see Smerk in earnest conversation with the park’s mighty eucalyptus tree.
Gum tree
Who knows what mysteries of Aussie lore they may be exchanging? Somehow the experience didn’t quite make Smerk feel like she was right back at home again, though.
As a showing of how excited everybody was to have a real live Aussie in Maryland, the sloth even woke up!
Sloth
Smerk apparently had good fun being the tourist.
Smerk
And here she is staring in horrified wonder at a pair of white swans!!!
Swanning around
Some completely unknown woman saw us standing together, thought that we looked oh-so-cute, and decided that she simply had to photograph us both. And so she did.
Happy couple
And here, for the viewing pleasure of a certain other Aussie, is. . .a red wolf!
Wolf
It didn’t chase us, though. Perhaps Smerk intimidated it too much.
That evening came another momentous occasion: our first official date together! Woohoo! Yes, I took Smerk out on the town. For what that’s worth, considering that there’s not really much town here to be taken out on. But I introduced her to the marvels of Korean cuisine at the world-famous (well, town-famous) Seoul Restaurant. Smerk was appropriately impressed by it all, from the seating on the floor to the weird squidgy appetisers to the weird hot tea to the rather loquacious Korean woman who manages the restaurant/waits on the customers. All in all it was to her liking, though.
We then drove up to the north end of town to follow our dinner with a movie. We were somehow able to convince ourselves to pass up the opportunity to see most of the fine (ahem) films being shown at that time, and settled on just watching "10,000 BC". That was when disaster sort of but not quite really struck: I’d lost the $20 bill that was in my wallet!!! At the time I was still waiting for my bank to mail me my new card to replace the expired one and to replace the cheques it had printed out wrong, so the only method I had to pay for anything was to go in person to the bank, go up to the teller behind the counter, and ask to withdraw cash from my account. Strangely, the tellers seem to not be telling much at ten in the evening. And so, while I had taken Smerk out for dinner, she took me out to the cinema. Teamwork! Wooo
We enjoyed the movie, then went home and had tea. And that’s all that I’m reporting regarding that evening. . .
On another bright and sunny day we took off to visit the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum in St. Michaels, a bit of a drive away.
Maritime Museum 1
Maritime Museum 2
We poked around looking at ducks and boats and ducks and buildings and ducks and oysters and ducks and pointy metal things and ducks for a bit, then dared the Olympian heights of the former Hooper Strait Lighthouse to admire the view.
Lighthouse 1
Lighthouse 2
Lighthouse 3
And then we even let Smerk get behind the wheel of a boat!!!
Casualties were minimal.
We stopped by the museum’s gift shop, where Smerk (true to her dragony nature) quickly tracked down and focused on some shiny glittery treasure: real genuine fake copies of pirate gold coins! Naturally, she left the store with a good supply of those.
When we were heading back to the parking lot, we looked across the lot and noticed that there were still several other parts of the museum that we’d missed seeing. And so we wandered back in to the museum again, much to the confusion of the girl who was manning (girling?) the ticket counter. After another hour or so of poking around in the newly-discovered exhibits, we finally left the museum. . .after Smerk made a second stop by the gift shop to acquire yet more of those coins for her dragon hoard.
I have also developed a theory as to why dragons are listed under the “mythological beasties” category: it’s so darned difficult to get any photographic evidence of their existence, as they tend to be rather shy and elusive whenever a camera appears.
Elusive dragon 1
Elusive dragon 2
Elusive dragon 3
Elusive dragon 4
This trait is one that I’ve noticed repeatedly over the last few weeks. It even extends to when the dragons are quietly sitting around in the lair. Note how in this photo, nothing more than a pair of dragony socks are really visible of the Smerk. Notice, too, the cunning use of smaller dragons as a scout/decoy.
Lurking dragon
A few days later we went out on our most ambitious and far-ranging adventure yet: we chose to brave the perils of that heathen land of Virginia and to wander around the area of Colonial Williamsburg!
This involved a drive of about five hours, which wasn’t helped by the state of Maryland apparently deciding that every single square inch of highway should be under construction and repair for the duration of the day. Yet we persevered, and we finally made it.
I’d been there before, but things had changed considerably since the last time I’d visited. One of the major changes is that you need to buy a (rather expensive) pass not just to go into a few of the more fancy places, but now to go into any place other than the stores selling touristy knick-knacks. Even some of the public walkways were blocked off and inaccessible to anybody not with a pass. So after having already traveled several miles past the building where they were selling passes, we found ourselves basically limited to standing in the middle of the road watching people walk by. We decided that this would not do, and managed to locate a place there in Colonial Williamsburg itself that sold passes. At last, we could actually see the sights! Wheeee!
Williamsburg 1
Williamsburg 2
Williamsburg 3
Williamsburg 4
Williamsburg 5
Williamsburg 6
These included the Governor’s Palace,
Governor's Palace
near where we were nearly ambushed by a cunning squirrel!
Squirrely
There was also Bruton Parish church,
Church
out back of which there was a most. . .interesting grave marker. With feet.
Weird monument 1
Weird monument 2
Smerk had fun playing in the book-binder’s workshop, where she got to poke around at all manner of treasures (and to learn the dire secret behind red food colouring!!!).
Bookmaking 1
Bookmaking 2
We took a tour of the old Capitol Building, too.
Capitol 1
Capitol 2
It was a guided tour, where they took us through the various meeting rooms and court rooms, told us what had gone on there, and even re-enacted (with audience participation) the meeting of the colony’s delegates in 1776. So to all of those who think that America breaking away from Britain is where everything started to go wrong, you can blame Smerk: she didn’t vote against the motion to declare independence when the vote there was taken!!!
Being Colonial Williamsburg, there were plenty of people wandering around in period costume and acting with period mannerisms.
Re-enactors 1
Re-enactors 2
Re-enactors 3
Re-enactors 4
We had lunch at a little hidden courtyard and bakery that I’d discovered on one of my previous visits. Smerk kept a wary eye on the pigeons, who looked as though they were up to no good.
Pigeons
And finally, we noticed a sign outside a tavern (?) that might interest one or two people whom we know. . .
Tavern sign
After another long drive in the dark (during which I got to learn that yes, dragons do snore), we made it safely home. The next day we didn’t feel like making any major excursions, as we’d had enough of car travel the day before and the upcoming day was scheduled for some more. And so we instead chose to amble about in another one of the local parks, this one a bit more wildernessy than the other. Smerk got to see all sorts of weird and exotic American critters, including herons, geese, ducks, squirrels, more squirrels, still more squirrels, a bald eagle (which was really noisy and indignant about something somewhere), vultures, and even a ferocious turtle!
Dragon vs. Turtle
I knew of a big tower where a pair of osprey make their nest every year, so I thought we could check it out. It turned out that there was no nest there yet. But the osprey were already in residence, and kept a close eye on us.
Osprey
We also saw several creatures of extreme cryptozoological nature! Indeed! It is true! First off was Nessie herself, obviously on vacation from Loch Ness.
Nessie 1
Nessie 2
Nessie 3
And shortly thereafter, who did we see but Bigfoot himself waving at us from some distant trees?
Bigfoot
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are genuine unaltered undoctored photos. Conclusive proof of the existence of these two famous creatures, not that any reasonable person ever actually had any doubt of them existing.
The next day, Saturday, was the only day we actually had a real planned-ahead sort of day scheduled. We’d chosen that day to venture back across the Bay to the Inner Harbour area of Baltimore.
Baltimore 1
Baltimore 2
Why that day? There were several reasons. The most time-specific, though, was. . .pirates!
Pirates 1
That Saturday was the day of the Privateer Day/Pirate Invasion, a “pirate-themed festival with something for entire family. Enjoy live music, vendors, arts and crafts”. It didn’t quite live up to our expectations, though. We’re not sure if it was just because we were there too early (it was only mid-day), or if it was just not that much of a festival, but it seemed to mainly be people there selling tacky-looking junk or advertising banks and telephone companies. Only a few people really got into the spirit of it all and dressed up in proper piratical fashion, and most of those people were the re-enactors at the few scattered displays.
Pirates 2
Pirates 3
There were also supposed to be tours of some sailing ships, but we couldn’t find those. Although we did see this pirate ship cruising the harbour. Note the other boat fleeing in terror from the pirate onslaught. . .we’re not sure whether they were able to escape with their lives or not.
Pirate ship 1
Pirate ship 2
We also stumbled across the Seven Foot Knoll Lighthouse, which had been moved into the harbour and set up on display. We had a few minutes free, so we poked around inside of it for a bit, peeking around in corners and peering out through the windows.
Baltimore lighthouse 1
Baltimore lighthouse 2
At high noon we headed off for the second of our day’s planned Big Events. We ventured forth to meet with that most fearsome of Forumites, the infamous Hulitoons! We had arranged to meet on the dock beside the USS Constellation.
We successfully completed our rendezvous. Much energetic and wanton photography then ensued.
Photo orgy 1
Photo orgy 2
Photo orgy 3
Photo orgy 4
Photo orgy 5
Photo orgy 6
Photo orgy 7
Photo orgy 8
After our cameras all overheated from the strain, Hulitoons, her husband Erik, Smerk and I ventured off to a waterfront Spanish restaurant for lunch. We had a good time plotting our nefarious. . . errrrr, I mean, chatting about things and gossiping about people on the Museum of Hoaxes and getting to know each other. I still stand by my evaluation of Hulitoons from however long ago it was: yes, she really is a nut. But in a good way, of course. Finishing lunch and jointly deciding that it hadn’t really been enough food to feed a sparrow, we ambled over to a nearby ice-cream parlour and sampled their goods. While we went and stood around by the Constellation again and munched on our purchases, Erik dashed off to their car on some mysterious errand. . .and returned bearing two pictures by Hulitoons, one for me and one for Smerk! They’re quite spiffy (Smerk’s especially suits her; guess which it is).
http://hulitoons.tripod.com/Dra%20Goon.jpg
http://hulitoons.tripod.com/Moby%20and%20Dick.jpg
Anyway, we had a good time. We’ll have to do it again next time Smerk drops by!
After a while Smerk and I parted ways with them, and went off to finish our day with the third of our planned activities: visiting Baltimore’s National Aquarium. Upon reaching it, though, we discovered that there was an hour and a half wait until we could get in. So, how do you kill time when you’re sitting around on the side of a harbour? Look at ships, of course! There are a number of ships and boats tied up to the docks for the tourists to swarm over, and so we took advantage of the situation to take tours of the USS Torsk and the lightship Chesapeake.
Seeing that we still had a half hour, we also wandered back to the Constellation and roamed about her decks.
Constellation 1
Constellation 2
Constellation 3
Naturally, Smerk left the Constellation with that most obvious of souvenirs: a pirate squirrel.
Pirate Squirrel 1
Pirate Squirrel 2
We also discovered that some of Smerk’s distant kin were living in the area.
Dragons!
Having waited long enough, we were then able to head back to the aquarium and go in. Smerk was a bit startled to have an aquarium where you could go up stairs to see the fish.
Aquarium 1
Apparently, she’s used to aquariums where the water tanks are all on the ground level and people walk down amongst or under them. We had a fun time, though, wandering through looking at fishy things.
Aquarium 2
Aquarium 3
Aquarium 4
Aquarium 5
Aquarium 6
Electric eel!
Eel
And a certain Canadian might appreciate these aquatic critters.
Critters 1
Critters 2
We then moved on to the real fun and excitement and adventure of the place. . .the part of the aquarium that was most likely to thrill Smerk to her very core. . .
The Australian wildlife exhibit!
So here is Smerk, looking perhaps less that totally impressed with the Aussieness of it all.
Aussieness
Even the crocodile failed to move her and overwhelm her in a feeling of being at home.
Croc
Though she did decide that at least one of the birds was worthy.
Birdie
Most of what they had there were (this being an aquarium) water-dwelling beasties. There were also some tanks of reptiles, though, and lots of flying critters.
Bats!
Kookaburras!
Blue crayfish!
Ruffled and grumpy looking emerald doves!
Dove 1
Dove 2
And now, for your moment of Truth In Advertising:
Wildness
And that was basically our Baltimore adventure. Good fun, all around.
On another sunny and warm (or at least not too chilly to Smerk’s reckoning) day, we decided to introduce Smerk to the marvels of the mighty Atlantic Ocean. Naturally, it was foggy, windy, and a lot cooler on the beach.
Beach 1
All the same, Smerk did her Digger compatriots proud by bravely going forth and facing the icy gale and poking at dead things on the shoreline.
Beach babe 1
Beach babe 2
Getting ready to leave the beach, we made an important archaeological discovery. It seems that the same people who had built Stonehenge in Britain had also built a similar structure here!
Amazing discovery
I call this important historical site “Shellhenge”. It is clear from the obvious similarities between Stonehenge and Shellhenge that they were constructed by the same builders. And since the structures are both on opposite shores of the Atlantic, the nature of the builders is also obvious: they were Altanteans! At last, all the mystery is solved! When Atlantis sank into the ocean, its survivors spread to the nearest shores and erected these monuments in a noble gesture to get their own back on the world by confusing generations of people to come.
Leaving Shellhenge, we the proceeded north to Ocean City, resort town of Maryland. Which was pretty much closed down, what with this not being the tourist season yet. But we wandered up and down the boardwalk there a little bit, admiring the window displays and the odd people and learning of new uses for Fosters beer.
And that pretty much brings us up to the current time. What more shall occur? What mischief will the Globe-Trotting Dragon get into next? How many flagons could a dragon flag ere a dragon’s flagging flags? The answers to these and many further mysteries shall be revealed at a later date. . . assuming anybody survives to record them.
PS: Smerk gets really silly when she’s tipsy.
