Over the Hills and Far Away

Well, a little while ago I ventured forth into the wild wild world on a business trip. It was lots of fun, spending about eight hours driving a van with an excessively automobileaphobic woman in the passenger side seat. Every time I'd speed the van up, she'd gasp and cringe and flail. Every time I'd slow it down, she'd gasp and cringe and flail. Every time I'd go around a gentle bend in the road, she'd gasp and cringe and flail. Every time I'd gun the engine up to 80 mph and fly along narrow mountain roads in the rain and fog, she'd gasp and cringe and flail. It would have been bad enough with that alone, but a couple times in her flailing she managed to hit the gear-shift and suddenly we'd be coasting along in neutral. And she refused to sit in the back of the van instead. But we all survived.

A brief rundown of things I got to do during that week:

1. See lots of lightning
2. Watch George Washington deliver a rousing speech to a group of militia, whereupon they marched forth against and opened fire upon a pair of defiant squirrels (at Colonial Williamsburg)
3. Go on a Williamsburg ghost tour, but not see so much as a phantom orb
4. See a bunch of disembodied Presidential heads
5. Ride in an AH-64
6. Watch surfers panic because they can't tell the difference between dolphins and sharks, and watch dolphins laugh at silly surfers
7. Heroically rescue kittens from a giant construction roller (okay, so the roller was turned off at the time, but still. . .)
8. Duel with crab claws at dawn
9. Learn that Post Offices are considered strange and mysterious and near-mythical objects in eastern Virginia
10. Goose geese
11. Watch a small airplane almost crash by trying to land with the nose pointed up at about a sixty-degree angle (Note to pilots: it's not a good thing when your airplane starts trying to fly backwards into the ground)

One day we all had to go out to an island that could only conveniently be reached by boat (they have an airfield, but it is sort of dismantled at the moment). And so we left harbour a little while after dawn and bravely set off upon the briny sea. It was a nice calm day, though a bit foggy and cloudy. There were lots of pelicans and herons and the like, and I got to watch them swooping about and catching fish. About ninety minutes out I saw a peculiar looking ship on the horizon ahead. I pointed it out to the captain, and he decided that since it was only slightly off our course he'd chase it down so we could get a good look at it. And we did.



It was a replica of the Godspeed, one of the brigantines that had been used during the founding of Jamestown. We overtook the ship, everybody waved at everyone else, and we went on our way.

Godspeed 1

Godspeed 2

Godspeed 3

Godspeed 4

Godspeed 5

I glanced back as we were leaving her astern, and I saw this view. I took a picture of it, because I thought it looked all nice and symbolic.

The journey back again was a lot sunnier at times, aside from the intervals of rain and clouds and fog and other non-sunny things. I took a nap on one of the life rafts on deck, and impressed everybody by sleeping right through one of the rainstorms (unlike everybody else, though, I had actually thought to bring along some weatherproof clothing). We didn't see any other ships until we were going through the inlet, whereupon a big menhaden fishing boat came around a headland and followed us in. Once again, there was much waving. They eventually passed by us and headed off to their fishery where a bunch of sister ships were already unloading their catch. It was interesting seeing all the huge conveyor belts covered in fish, with bright silver "waterfalls" of menhaden dropping off the ends into waiting trucks. Smelly, too.

There were also the ruins of many earlier menhaden processing plants along the river, spanning three centuries. Most of them were just little jumbles of brick and rubble lurking in the underbrush or sticking out of the low water. One was entirely gone except for its smokestack, which stood all alone on a long low spit of land.

I was staying in a nice hotel for that week, at least. Instead of being one big building, it had what was basically a neighbourhood of townhouses. So I got to stay in a suite with a living/dining room, kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a raised (I was on the second floor) patio, and an evil tea-kettle that, no matter how you handled it, would spill as much boiling water all over as it poured into your cup. There was also a free indoor and outdoor pool, tennis court, miniature golf course, volleyball court, shuffleboard court, hiking trail, and formal gardens. And a non-free spa, restaurant, and gym (not all in one, though).

Hotel 1

Hotel 2

Hotel 3

Hotel 4

Hotel 5

Hotel 6

Hotel 7

Hotel 8

And here, if you look closely, you can see that I was busy following my evil Illuminati agenda:



At one point while I was out roaming around I saw a squirrel bounding madly straight down the road. I have no idea where he was coming from or even where he was going, but he was going down the wrong side of the road and ran at least one stop-sign.

I made use of the shuffleboard court and the miniature golf course. I always enjoyed shuffleboard. I think that it is one of the great underappreciated pastimes. The miniature golf was okay, too. I played it through from start to finish in about an hour, and even made several holes-in-one. Then, since I had unlimited time there and was all alone on the course, I played it backwards (both from the last hole to the first, and backwards on each off the little greens). Then I played it using the golf club like a billiards cue, which actually works amazingly well (a number of holes in one go, and I averaged two shots per hole). And then I spent a while just whacking the ball around wildly. At one point I managed to make a hole in 1/3: I hit the ball, it bounced off that green onto the next, hit an obstacle, leapt into the air, landed on yet another green, and rolled into the hole. Beat that, Tiger Woods!

And here, for all your enjoyment, is a self-portrait from in my suite's little foyer.



The drive home again was pretty much a repeat of the earlier one, but with the sun in my eyes instead. I think that more vehicles need to be made with driver-selectable ejection seats.

A few further things of note, not related to the trip:

1. Abby now loves me. We are friends.

2. Here's a photo of Gustav doing a Tarzan impersonation. There are several digital thermometers on his terrarium, and they have sensors on wires that go into his lair. He managed to get one so that it was dangling down loose, grabbed onto it, and started swinging.

3. Smerk is a total hottie. I mean, wow! Woohoo!